The Wands, The Wiz, and The Wackos: Book 1
by ClumsyStealthCrew
Summary: 15 years after the Second Wiz War, a group of students in enjoying a typical Hogwarts life. Until they hear about attacks on non-Pureblood witches and wizards. Students have gone missing, and with elections for the Ministry coming up, they're worried about more half-bloods being pulled into the political battles. It's fallen on them, but what are a bunch of normal teens to do?
1. 1- Claire

Chapter 1- Claire

The trunks were out and ready to be packed that morning at the Carpenter household. It was August the 25th, and as usual we were lagging behind. First semester was less than a week away and we still hadn't hit Diagon Alley for some last minute supplies shopping.

Which was brilliant, considering that the family was headed off for the annual last minute vacation to the beach, from which we made a beeline directly to Kings Cross station. Dorset to London via muggle transport is a blast, I can assure you.

I guess you've summed up that our family isn't exactly practical. Which is fine since I'm not either, but that didn't make our habits any less inconvenient. Coming from a family of "inventors", or experimental tinkerers as I referred to them, it was to be expected though. We were hardly conventional, and as a result it used to be a challenge to get by. Although we had never struggled for the necessities, things like broomsticks were a luxury. So it was rare that we ever got anything of that nature new.

You could not believe how mortified I was in my second year at Quidditch tryouts. Although I had escaped the initial repeat of first year's teasing by having new robes, my broom was another story entirely. It was at least ten years old at the time, a Cleansweep, and had a terrible habit of dragging and then jerking forward if you pushed it to fast. It was like riding a mechanical bull.

I didn't make the team that year either, but I did in my third, two years behind my twin brother Joseph who had rapidly risen to the position of Slytherin's star Quidditch Keeper and coveted man-candy. Excuse me while I vomit, I'd rather eat flubberworms…

It was then that there was knock at the door, and the devil himself peeked his head through the arch, "Oh Claire bear~ my darling wee sister~ it's time to make like a fat red man and head up the chimney!"

"No need to refer to yourself in such a derogatory manner ya' nitwit." I chuckled as I glanced up to meet his eyes, which were now narrowed in annoyance. "I'm very well aware of the time and your stature…"

Seph pouted, "You're cruel sissy poo…."

I arched an eyebrow in amusement, "Art thou a hypocrite?"

"Art thou a smartass?" he retorted with a smug smirk.

"Hmm… Yes." I laughed and pulled him in for a hug.

A moment passed before my brother pulled away and leaned back against the poster covered wall. "You're certainly dressed up today sis, got a hot date today at Fortescue's ice cream parlor?"

"As if." I smiled wryly as I rose from my mattress and slipped my book into my grandmother's expandable bag, "I'm just meeting up with a few friends…" 

"FRIENDS?! WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY!"

"And that is why I never bring them over…." I rolled my eyes before pushing past my brother and heading out into the hallway.

"Oh come on sis, who could resist this hunk of man flesh?"

"Anyone with a reasonably sized brain?"

"I beg to differ-"

"Oh please don't, a beggar doesn't befit you brother dearest."

Seph glowered.

"That's better." I smiled, "Show the world your masculine frown lines!"

"I hate you."

"Well we are mortal enemies."

"True, only Slytherin _is _the better house, after all, it's where all the _sexy_ people come from…"

I scoffed, "We will forever have Harry Potter-"

"And a _really_ shitty Quidditch record!" he interrupted with a laugh.

"Oi!" I snapped

"Oh please sis don't deny it, it sucks just as much as your favorite professional team."

I froze and turned to face him, "_What_ did you just say?"

"The Wimbourne Wasps? _Please._ They're past their prime, I mean come on who buzzes to distract the opposing team?" He just looked oh so pleased with himself…

I glared down at my feet, biting back the temper tantrum. After a moment I gave him my answered through clenched teeth, "Really, really, cool people. Obviously."

"Of course…." He smirked, "I think I've won this match sis, you're no good at arguments once your temper gets set off."

I gave him my best death glare.

He laughed before turning on his heel and heading down the hallway, "Still love you though!"

Well that cowardly little butt, heading out into the loving protection of our mothers arms…. Why couldn't he face me like a man? Typical Slytherin….

I retreated back into my room and shoved my stacks of robes inside my trunk. Everything else would be replaced and packed up once we made it to our grandmother's cottage. Dad had already headed out on the train, since he couldn't travel through the floo. He had to leave early this morning to make it in time for dinner.

Checking under the bed one last time for any spare plans and coupons I snapped the trunk shut. I was officially set and ready to go.

It was about an hour and a half later and I was finally on my own. My mother was off doing supplies shopping with Grandma, and Seph was probably off snogging someone or something. At least I'm sure he was being productive wherever he was… Which meant that I had to match their productivity…

With a twinge of guilt I passed by the Quality Quidditch Supplies shop, an old familiar haunt of mine and zeroed in on my favorite shop of all time. Number 93, Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Knowing me it wasn't hard to see why I favored it so much, compared to the other shops on the street it was like a parrot mixed within a flock of kiwi birds. It really stood out. And if the hot pink exterior didn't catch your eye, then the fireworks in the windows, or massive ginger head with the magical top hat did. I had heard stories about the shop during the days of the Second Wizarding War those fifteen years ago, about how the pair of brothers had been a light during a time of darkness. Mocking the infamous you-know-who with a sign referring to constipation. Even though I had been born a year after the war ended, they were my heroes. My role models.

Ever since I was a little girl and the owner George had snuck a dungbomb into my robe pocket that emitted rainbow gas, I knew that I wanted to grow up to be just like them. And as for the dungbomb? Well I planted that under my dad's chair one evening at dinner after he banned Seph and I from flying around inside of the workshop. We had a disillusionment charm put up around our yard by mum about a week later. Right around the time when dad stopped smelling….

I smiled at the memory before stepping into the noisy shop. I had been saving my allowance for months for just this moment, it was time to stock up on some PID and DB's… I waded through the crowds of first years and younger children, moving with purpose past the highly patented day dreaming charms and love potions, past the reusable hang man, and pygmy puffs, and straight into the back of the shop. Just as I was about to grab a new style of dungbomb off the shelf however, I was interrupted by a familiar smug voice.

"Well, well, well… look who's here…" I spun around to meet with a familiar brown eyed, freckled, face. He smirked, "I was wondering when the little Gremlin would make her appearance, it's good to see you Madame Carpenter."

" !" I beamed before jumping up and giving the smoke scented prankster a hug, I had grown a lot taller since the last time I had seen him. Although I still had a long way to go before I reached his towering height. I pulled back out of the hug, "I've brought some coupons to help pay for everything today, I need to get my stockpile so I can begin the year on a good note."

"And by good note you mean bad for everyone that gets in your way?"

"Yes." I smiled.

"Brilliant." He smirked, "And I'll be catching you at the Hogsmeade outlet this year as well?"

"Oh you know I'm more than just a regular customer…" I laughed, "I practically live here."

"Well, it's all thanks to my tutorage." The earless wonder smirked tauntingly.

"Right…. Tell me then oh Saint George, how it is that I've never been caught?"

He shrugged, "Luck."

I snorted, "Please, have you seen me play poker? I lose every single time against my brother, I prefer to refer to it as incredible foresight and planning."

George chuckled, "Well you're awfully sure of yourself now aren't you?"

"Yet another skill of mine."

"Ah you're lovely… well I've got to go tend to my customers now, but give me a yell if you need anything!" he smiled before turning around and heading back out into the main shop front.

"Alright! Good seeing you!" I called back before refocusing my attention on the stock.

Although this may sound kind of strange, George had always been one of my best friends. Though that could mostly be attributed to the fact that I didn't have very many in the first place. Back during my mother's years at Hogwarts she had been really good friends with Angelina Johnson, and as such a good couple of dinners had been spent at either one of our homes, and shop visits had been regular. George was initially intended to play a bit of an Uncle like role in our lives, but I could never take him seriously.

He had also been a major help in my Charms and Transfiguration classes, guiding me through them and giving me extra pointers when I needed them. Thank Merlin for the statue of the humpback witch….

I pulled out my book and began to go through the list, six rocks of Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder, five boxes of standard dungbombs, three of rainbow, two of sing song. Ton tongue toffees, nosebleed nougats, one box of each for those, just for some fun and experimentation- I checked my change purse- well actually no. I put them back on the shelf before heading over to the extendable ears, we needed to replace one of those. I added that to my basket and checked it from the list. And of course, as always we needed some decoy detonators. Just in the case of emergency. I grabbed about six of those and dumped them into my basket inside of which they began to stumble over top of each other and the excess merchandise.

I smirked before turning around and passing the now dwindling stock of shield charmed clothing, the best thing to wear when experimenting I swear on it. Even though most of our ideas were still struggling get off the ground, they backfired horribly if you added the charms in the wrong order.

I took one more fleeting glance at the list, double checked to make sure that everything was filled out, and took my initial stock to the front register for check out.

"Beautiful line up, I'm assuming that these are just for the preliminary pranks?" George asked.

"Yep, I'll bring by the list one evening after school starts up. Although I've already got most of it planned out, it's always good to have an experts help." I nodded.

"Sounds about right, keep up that praise and you just might get somewhere someday!"

"I've already gotten somewhere George." I rolled my eyes before shoving my purchases into my expandable bag, and turning away from the desk, "I've got to head out, I'm meeting up with Skye for some ice cream at Fortescue's."

"Sounds like fun little prankster, see you in a couple of weeks!" George smiled before I slid out the door with a jangling of the bell.


	2. 2- Chessa

Chapter 2- Chessa

I'd come out to our family stables early this morning to check on the animals. Our farm was always bustling and sometimes we were so busy we forgot to feed the horses. Not that we _really_ have a farm, mind you. My family's had four generations of healers on my mum's side, counting me and my sis, so grandmama started growing potion ingredients in our large yard when mum was my age. The horses are because my younger sister Alix and I wanted them so bad, and we've got plenty of room to spare on the property for the stable and a trail.

That's where Alix found me several hours later. I'd finished brushing my dappled gray and her chestnut, and had climbed up into the loft space, which we'd covered in soft hay and strung up a tire swing that would carry us down, down, down, almost to the floor below, then up the other side to a little wooden platform where we could stop, turn, and swing back to the loft. Alix stuck her head in the barn doors and I immediately zeroed in on her black and red hair, in such sharp contrast to the warm browns and creams of the surrounding walls.

"Oi, Chessa, almost time to leave!" she called up.

"Excellent." I gestured to the swing's rope. "Been a while since you came up here. Fancy one last round?"

Her eyes glittered, but she declined. I shrugged, pulled on my riding gloves to avoid friction, and let myself slide down the loft's ladder by my hands. Today was our annual trip to Diagon Alley. Granted, it was pretty late in the year, school started up in less than a week, but we always went around this time because some of the shopkeepers tended to put up sales around now, trying to sell as much as possible even at the last minute. Not that we're hard on money or anything, but just that it's always a good idea to try and save.

We raced back to the house, pushing each other whenever we got too close, and scrambled up to the attic bedroom we shared to grab our shopping lists and change out of our barn clothes.

Alix turned and, seeing me in the necklace my friends had all chipped in to give me for my birthday last year, smiled mischievously. "When are you going to introduce me to your friends?"

"You've already met a lot of them," I replied in surprise. "Claire and Skye are in your House, and you've met Claire's brother Seph and his friend Mary, and Skye's friend Amara too."

"I mean your _guy_ friends. Seph's the only boy you've had me hang with. You must have someone you like by now. When can I meet them?"

"Seph's my only guy friend," I informed her. Our group had a strange history, spanning all four houses. We'd come together in first year when some barmy pureblooded blokes decided it would be a great idea to kidnap and sell muggles, half-bloods, and muggle-borns for entertainment in a sort of black market scam. Amara and several other students had been taken during a quidditch match, including Seph when he got the brilliant idea to give chase. Needless to say the whole school sent out searches to get the missing kids back, and by chance it was our small group that ended up locating them and shutting their group down temporarily. They'd made several other attacks in recent years, but nothing too close to Hogwarts again yet. They, along with probably some other wizards out there, still believe that muggles shouldn't have the same social standing as Purebloods.

"What about that Jake boy. He's in your House," she said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I had to stop for a second to remember what we'd been discussing. "You mean Jax? He's a study partner. I don't even know him very well."

She flopped down onto her bed and put her legs up against the wall, looking like an L. "Well there are no cute boys in my House. You'll introduce me once you meet some?"

I couldn't help it, I didn't like the idea of my sweet baby sister dating. I know it's ridiculous, she's only a year below me, but I've always been protective of her. "I suppose..." I muttered evasively.

Alix pouted up at me. "Promise!"

"Alright! Just no crying!"

She pops up and gives me a hug. "You're the best, Chester darling."

I laughed and pushed her away. "Shove off, you twat."

She barked out a laugh and skittered away downstairs, to where our folks waited. I followed quickly, grabbing the list she'd dropped in her haste. We'd be traveling to Diagon Alley through the floo, as always, since apparating gives mum a beastly headache.

About an hour later I'd split off from my fam. We'd already gotten all the books and supplies we'd need for the coming year, and now we could do a bit of butchering round the shops. Fortescue's was a must later on, I have a monster of a sweet tooth and the place makes the most scrummy ice creams. There were some other things too, but they could be bought in Hogsmeade during the annual tip later on. I looked up from my finished shopping list and with a start noticed my friend Seph exiting the Quidditch supply shop.

He had a fresh boom all wrapped up safe in parchment paper and a smug look on his face. The Carpenters didn't buy new broomsticks very often, so it must've been an older model. Still, it wasn't like them to splurge on a broomstick. He clutched it protectively to his chest, scowling at the people who bumped into him on the crowded road. I could understand why he was being overly protective. Seph's broom had been broken in first year when the Commonwealth caught him, and again last year during a particularly riveting final quidditch match of the year. He must've gone all summer without one, having to borrow his sister's to practice.

Seph looked up, his eyes alighting on mine, and grinned. "Chesta," he called, drawing out the 'ah' sound in an annoyingly attractive way. The git had a way of thinking he was God's gift to women, always teasing and playing around. But I had to admit, like most other girls at school, I had fallen for him. Just a bit.

Looking back, it's not hard to see why. He wasn't like the other Slytherin boys. For starters he was nice to everyone. In first year, when a group of second and third year blokes had teased me for being named Chester, at which point I'd tried to explain it was because my parents liked the name and not because they'd wanted a boy, Seph had stood up for me. Literally. He was so tall that several of them who hadn't been paying attention when his name was called during Sorting mistook him for a fifth year. As well, he and his twin sister Claire were the children of a muggle and a half-blood. And Claire was a Gryffindor. While it wasn't unheard of for twins to end up in different Houses, it's not very common, and the fact that Gryffindor and Slytherin have the biggest rivalry in school made it pretty huge news for a long time after we all started at Hogwarts.

I ran up and gave him a hug. "I didn't know you were coming today," I said.

"Oh ya, last minute shopping before the annual beach vacation."

"Impractical as always," I joked. "Fancy a titchy of Fortescue's?"

"I'll pass, but Claire mentioned heading there today. You might see her."

"Thanks, I'll keep it in mind." I wondered if Skye would be there too, but then, the two practically never went anywhere without each other, so she probably would. "New broom?"

"Sort of. An old Nimbus 2001. Mum would've made me get a Cleansweep like Claire's but they stopped selling them. What kind do you have again?"

"A Skyshooter Mark Four," I replied. It didn't cost a bomb or anything, but was decently priced.

"Those aren't really built for speed," he noted.

"No, they're not racing brooms, but they can still go a pretty decent speed if you push them." It wasn't as slim as most of the brooms sold in Quality Quidditch Supplies, nor as featherweight. It was a speciality job, made from bleached white wood and given a balance of a weighted crystalline heart decoration on the front end, which my friends would claim only gets in the way. But I didn't believe in flying for sport, and much preferred the pleasure of a slow ride in the night sky. Despite that, I was quidditch commentator at school and had been since first year.

"Well, I've got to be going. I'll see you on the train."

I nodded. "Be seeing you round then!" Now, off to get that ice cream...


	3. 3- Seph

Chapter 3-Seph

After the brief conversation with Chessa I decided I needed to get this broom to mum before some dumb bloke ended up breaking it before I even got a chance to ride it. So I began wandering around Daigon Alley until I came upon Gringotts Wizarding Bank where I found mum standing out front.

"Ah, Joseph, what do you need?" She spotted me immediately like the hawk she was.

"Two things: can you hold the new broom? I don't want a random bloke to make it look like the last two."

She took the parcel, looked it over, and nodded with approval. "Were they out of Cleansweeps?"

"Yea, some bloke came in and bought the last two for his first year children right as I walked in."

She smiled at me and put the broom next to her. "Alright, and the other thing?"

"Since when does dad have an account at Gringotts?" In the many years my family has come here I've never seen father once go into this bank, being a muggle, yet all of a sudden here he was.

"Many years ago he opened one, when the world gave him two children. It was his way to make sure that when they grew old they'd have money and never know what it's like to not have what they need." Mum smile grew from ear to ear as it hit me about dad's muggle life.

He used to always ramble on it when he was having a bad day. He use to go on and on about how people never change, no matter what world they were a part of, wizard or muggle, and on and on. After the first few times of this Claire and I both just started to drown him out and continue on with whatever it was we were doing.

"Okay then, thanks mom." I turned and was off before she could respond.

I returned to the heart of Diagon Alley, and it was extremely busy; it seemed like in the ten minutes I was away from it, it filled with every first year and second year it could. I walked through a huge crowd of 2nd and 3rd year girls, with a few first years in the lot, and I could hear what they were saying.

"Who's that Marie?" Said a short brown haired girl, most likely a first year.

"That's Seph Carpenter. He's a Slytherin, and probably the most amazing looking one at that." Said another girl, a Ravenclaw, if I remember correctly.

"You can say that again." Chimed in another girl with silvery eyes.

It's hard not to laugh at all the accolades I hear people giving me. Especially when my sister uses them to mock me. "God's Gift to Women", "Best Looking Slytherin", "Silver Haired Dream" and probably my favorite: "Pure Blood Love", mainly because I was quite the opposite. Anyway, life went on, constantly having women looking at you and wanting you was nice I suppose, especially since Eirib and Tristan both moved after 2nd year and Fang being expelled from Hogwarts ever since he was found to be connected with the Pureblood group that tried to kidnap everyone. So it's been rather quiet for me and Ma-

Speak of the devil, there was Mary-Beth right there with her parents. I gave a small wave and she nodded imperceptibly in acknowledgement, then turned to her father and mumbled a request to do some shopping on her own. After a few minutes of low arguments between her folks, in which I was sure the vein on her dad's forehead would pop, Mary's mum sighed in exhaustion and shooed her away. She gave me a look and walked off cautiously in the other direction, as if expecting a blow from behind. Once her parents wandered away, I met up with her a few blocks over.

We greeted each other with a hug, which made most of the girls behind me moan in sadness. "How's your summer been, you twat?"

I laughed a bit. "Quite well, how about yours?"

Mary shuddered a bit, "Just the same as it is almost all the time. So, utterly normal I suppose."

We started walking towards my sisters' favorite store, Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

Mary seemed confused as we walked into the front door of the bustling store. "Since when did you become Claire?"

"I'm not, but I figured Claire didn't have enough money to get everything she really wanted from here, so I usually come in behind her and buy whatever it is George thinks she will need more of. So, tell me if you see Mr. Weasley, and enjoy yourself." I then ducked into a group of people and vanished into thin air. I felt bad, leaving Mary like that, but she needed to lighten up and enjoy some things by herself.

After some looking around I ran into the man of the hour, more literally than figurally. As I turned out of an aisle filled with people he was trying to turn into the same aisle, and bang. I toppled to the ground from the force of his walk. "Oh, terribly sorry 'bout that."

I dusted myself off from the ground and looked up. "Not a problem George."

"Ah! Joseph, what brings the second of the Carpenter duo to my shop? Suddenly turn into a fun loving guy like your sis?" He smirked at me.

"She's actually the exact reason I'm here. I was wondering how well you watched her when she came here for her usual round of supplies."

"What if I told you she hasn't been here yet?" He kept that same smirk.

"What if I told you you're a liar? You and I both know she always comes here first."

He busted out laughing, "Yea, I suppose you're right there Joseph. Yes, I was watching her; she came in and got her usual grab of supplies."

"Anything she not have enough for?"

"Aw look at this, the Carpenter boy looking out for his wee sister." He laughed some more and I glared at him. "Well, I can see why Claire always said she was the fun one of the duo. You're just no fun at all."

"I can be, but not when I'm on a time schedule and need to be going soon. So again, what did she not have enough for?"

"Uh if memory serves she didn't have enough for some ton tongue toffees and nosebleed nougats. They aren't that expensive, but we both know Claire doesn't like to splurge this early in the pranking year."

"Yea, alright thank you George," It was now that I looked back and saw Mary slowly turn down the aisle. "Oh one more thing, you see that blonde girl right there, just turned down the aisle?"

"What of her? She someone you fancy there Mr. Carpenter?" He winked at me and smirked again.

"No, but she's a bit of a quiet person, until she leaves could you give her a bit of your Weasley charm?" I smirked at him this time and he seemed to understand what I meant.

"Rainbow?"

"Eh sure, but don't make it to bad. Just show her a good time for me." I patted him on the shoulder and turned away from the aisle.

"Your sis was wrong about you Joseph. You can be a real fun guy!" He shouted and vanished into the crowd.

As I wandered through the store feeling more and more out of it by the second I found yet another friend, Alix, Chester's little sister. I decided to walk up and stand right behind her. She was standing next to a shelf full of love potions and heavily debating on buying one or not. I decided to chime in, "Personally I like the Truth Potions."

She was caught off guard by the sudden voice in her ear, but was pleased to see it was me and not some random bloke trying to hit on her. "Oh, hey Seph" she then looked at the potion in her hand and immediately put it back on the shelf. "That… That wasn't for me. I promise."

"Oh really now? Trying to get someone to fall in love with your sis, now are we?"

"No! Well, yeah." She looked down. "I don't know I just feel like she's not trying hard enough. She has two great guys around her, at least one that I've met, and she doesn't do anything to try and date them."

"Alix, your sis is a smart girl, I'm sure when she finds a guy she likes she won't need the help of a love potion to make them like her. But in all seriousness, Truth Potions, a lot of fun."

She smiled and nodded, "Alright thanks Seph. Speaking of, have you seen her lately?"

"Uh yea, a few minutes ago I ran into her, she seemed like she was on her way to go to Fortescue's for some ice cream."

"Then I guess I should be going there too. See you at school Seph."

"Bye Alix" I waved goodbye as she ran off. "Those Heartlily girls are a real funny group." I then went back on my hunt and grabbed the ton tongue toffees and nosebleed nougat for Claire, paid, and then left the store. Then the feeling of hunger pangs hit. "Seems like Fortescue's is the hot place to go, guess I'll eat there." So I began to walk through the now less-cluttered streets of Diagon Alley in route to Fortescue's Ice Cream.


End file.
